A New Cabinet Department

Each day, as I shuffle through various news outlets, I become more and more upset by what people cheer. Sound byte after sound byte, attack ad after attack ad, rally after rally, I am just amazed at how apparently apathetic Americans are. Well, at least I hope it's apathy, because if it is stupidity, then I'm even more worried for this country than ever before.

Even in watching the Presidential debates, each candidate said they are going to do or accomplish things that anyone with one "noodle" in their brain knows they can't do. Then the so-called spin doctors get ahold of every statement (either for or against their candidate), and turns them into a political battle cry. And here's the cardinal sin: Mindless, party-loyal imps march to the sound of that battle cry without every considering what is really implied by the statement, and certainly without doing any background checks of their own.

I am completely fed up with this behavior. I think there should be penalties for such ignorance, especially since the truth and correct information (in most instances) is out there. I feel like you should have at least 3 good (and accurately founded) reasons for supporting and/or voting for someone politically.

With that in mind, today I am proposing the creation of a new Cabinet Department: The Department of Reason and Common Sense!

This Department would feature me, Maelstrom, as a political referee. I would magically appear at all Presidential Campaign rallies (sometimes simultaneously), rightly confirm the accuracy of statements made by the Nominees, and dictate whether or not the audience can applaud/cheer/vote based on the correctness of those statements. Penalties for outrageous statements would be induced, and apologies would be mandatory.

To illustrate, a scene involving my single-minded Department (because I'd be the only member) might go something like this:

PRESIDENT BUSH: "If I knew the things that I know today (Fall 2004) about Iraq before we went to War with Iraq (Winter 2003), I still would've taken us into War!"

AUDIENCE: (applause, cheers)

MAELSTROM (Secretary of R & CS) : Tweeeeeeeet!!! (blows whistle). Everyone quiet! You too Mr. President. Now, he just said that if he knew that there were no WMD's, no imminent threat, and no connection to terror, he would still lead this country into an abysmal war. That is despite the fact that none of his original reasons for going to war have panned out and over 20,000 human lives have been lost due to an enormous miscalculation. Now if he (points to the President) wants to be silly, that's on him, but I cannot allow you to cheer such silliness. As a result, you shall all have your "cheering cards" revoked until he apologizes and makes 3 smart statements. Anyone who violates this rule will also lose their right to vote. Now, proceed Mr. President!

Another instance might happen to go down like this:

SENATOR KERRY: "Now, let me tell the American people, right into the camera (stares into camera), if you elect me as President, I will not raise taxes on the poor and middle class"

MAELSTROM (Secretary of R & CS) : Hold up!

TV AUDIENCE: Wait a minute!

MAELSTROM: Stop the debate! You, Senator, just said that in four years of your potential Presidency that you won't raise taxes on the lower 98% of the US population. Now, as sensible human beings, we KNOW that you can't deliver on that promise. You, sir, shall apologize and come up with a new, more legitimate plan! Furthermore, anyone that votes for you based on such an impossible commitment shall have their voter's registration card revoked. I know who you are (points at TV cameras), and I will find you. Now, Senator, you may continue!

Wouldn't that be great? The Candidates would actually be forced to speak the truth, and also forced to create legitimate plans and platforms to campaign on. It would also put an end to mindless, senseless party devotions. People would no longer be able to vote for a Candidate based on the the baseless and outrageously stupid statements that they often make, and citizens would no longer vote for a candidate based solely on political party affiliations.

Political education would be at an all-time high. Political apathy would be at an all time low. This would snowball into positive points for Social and Economic Awareness in everyday life. Citizens of the United States would actually be choosing the "Best Man or Woman" for the job instead of voting for the lesser of two evils. Real debates on real issues would ensue. Voter turnout and voter IQ (on the issues and candidates) would be astoundingly high. And we might have what we've never had in this country: A True Democracy!

So if you're reading this and you're with me, let's start the petition today for the development of a Department of Reason and Common Sense! I'll start us off with the very first signature.

1. Maelstrom