What Makes A Good Man

Before I begin this blog, I would like to thank Turk (who posted a comment at the end of my last post) and everyone else who has taken the time, consideration and initiative to respond to the things that I've posted here by leaving a comment at the end of the posts. Your feedback is greatly appreciated always. To you I say thanks, and a Happy New Year to you too Turk!

Although this world seems to be overwhelmingly patriarchal, and certainly society is dominated by men, I believe that too often, the role of a man in society is needlessly or pointlessly relegated and diminished. As a result, our expectations of men, behaviorally speaking, are lowered. And for some reason, men like to take advantage of a lowered bar, and many men rarely aspire to behave above it. So when they do something like treat their girlfriend's family kindly, or opens the door for women, we tend to think that they are great or amazing, when all he did was the minimum of what a decent man should do.

It is my belief that if you demand greatness of people, they will work extremely hard to achieve. So if we would put that expectation bar back where it belongs, more men would treat women much better, and the role of a good man would once again be an esteemed role to attain-not only in word, but in deed.

My major problem with society though, with respect to men, is that when there is indeed a good man present, doing all he can to do right by others, provide for himself and his family, and making a decent living, that man doesn't receive the credit and/or respect that his character deserves. He is often stepped on and mistreated by women, ridiculed (by men and women alike) for trying to maintain a high level of moral integrity, and certainly overlooked in society. This world has a keen way of only mentioning the bad that men do, or glorifying totally undeserving men simply because of their status in society (athlete, actor, etc.). So when there's a good man out there doing all that he knows to do that is right, he gets no love.

And honestly, I don't think the reality of a "good" man needs much explanation, for I truly believe that when there is one in our lives, we know it; we know he is good. But I plan to outline some consistent qualities that seem to exist amongst the good men that I know.

A good man, first and foremost, understands his self-worth and respects himself. He has a firm grasp on who he is and what he is capable of. That same man has a direction that he is headed in; he has goals set, and planned avenues by which to achieve them. If it is necessary to make an adjustment in order to achieve those goals, a good man is wise enough to make those changes while maintaining his focus on his purpose.

Aware of his strengths and weaknesses, a good man seeks to help others with those strengths (as opposed to using them to hurt, harm, use, or manipulate others), and desires to make his weakpoints strong (and to that end, is not afraid to admit mistakes or lack of understanding). And certainly, a good man treats everyone around him with the respect that their humanity warrants.

A good man that is married cherishes his wife and does not allow any other person to pry them apart. He is completely open to her and hides nothing from her. He is well in-tune with her needs, wishes, wills and desires. He seeks not to squelch her ambitions and is indeed supportive of her with respect to them. Most of all, he communicates his thoughts, feelings and emotions (this does not make him a sissy). And finally, the notion of infidelity is laughable to him because he is SO in love with her (this does not make him "whipped").

A good man that has children demands respect of them. When they are wayward, he corrects them. Though he is stern with them when he needs to be, he is affectionate towards them and aware of what each child needs in order to foster their growth. He stands before them as an example, as a figure of strength, as one they can run to when they need help and when they're afraid. And in front of them (should he be married), he treats his wife like the lady that she is (such that his daughters know how they should be treated, and his sons know how to treat a woman), not afraid to show affection to her in front of their children.

A good man possesses these qualities and should not go unnoticed. If you are a man and you are reading this, you should aspire to be like the man described above. If you are a woman, and a man like the one described above exists in your life, you should cherish and appreciate him; appreciate him not only in distant, silent respect, but in open acknowledgement in both action/deed, as well as verbal reinforcement.

The idealist in me wishes that such men could garner the credit and admiration that their character deserves, but the realist in me recognizes that the majority of people rarely acknowledge such greatness. I just hope that by writing this post, you (the reader) will indeed point those great men out in your life, and truly go out and show your appreciation for them as soon as is possible. It doesn't do any good to keep the admiration to yourself if that man never knows it, and you never know how much longer that presence will be in your life.

Because as the late singer Joni Mitchell once said "Don't it always seem to go that you don't what you've got till it's gone..."

-Maelstrom