They Do Still Exist :-)

Recently, I had the grand opportunity of reuniting, and hanging out with a bunch of my friends from College. Such gatherings are always a delight, and it always amazes me the kinds of activities that we choose to amuse us. I mean, we were up until almost 5am, having played a couple rounds of Mafia, watched a couple episodes of "Sex in the City," read a few verses from the NY Times bestselling book "He's Just Not That Into You," and reminiscing about elementary school recess (which kept us occupied for like two hours). No alcohol or drugs of any sort involved (though I did "borrow" large quantities of Orange Juice), no dancing to the latest music, we didn't even pop in a movie. These are all realizations that lend themselves to my belief that it's not what we, as humans, do that make events fun, it's who we do them with.

Despite the refreshing reunion, I was deeply bothered by a sentiment that seems to be growing in some of those same friends, and has been growing for some time now. My first night back there, a good friend of mine (who was unable to make the trip) called me up and immediately said, "(Maelstrom), you just can't be nice anymore," followed by "...I'm bitter."

Knowing how kind a person my friend is, this severely troubled me. He is one of a few people that I know is truly willing to put the needs of others in front of his own if he feels that it will benefit the other person in the long run. Completely unselfish, incredibly considerate, and just a nice person by nature. This empathy exists in him despite the cruel treatment he suffered at the hands of others for no reason as a child, and now as an adult.

Unfortunately he was not alone. At least 3 other friends expressed similar sentiments to me during the course of the weekend. "What's the point of being nice to people if other people aren't concerned about you," "Everybody is out to just get what they want for themselves," "People just don't care anymore so why should I," and my personal favorite quote of the weekend, "I hope God is watching all of this!"

Honestly, very few things, if anything, trouble me more than to see my friends hurting. Especially since I know my friends to be people of integrity, empathy, and concern; careful to consider the consequences of their actions with respect to other people. However, knowing their stories, I certainly understood where they were coming from.

When the weekend ended, I returned home in my rental car, heavily contemplating the feelings my friends had expressed to me. Unfortunately the rent-a-car place is at the airport and the busses run on an erratic schedule to and from the airport. This typically means that I have to walk to campus to catch a bus home from there (a 25 minute walk) or walk all the way back to my apartment (a brisk hour and 5 minute walk). Though I'd prefer not to walk, I'm young and strong, so I figure that it's not a big deal to walk now because maybe one day (God-forbid) I won't be able to walk so freely anymore.

As I began the walk to campus, alert to see if there were any Hawks flying around that might take a swipe at me (as I fear they might one day), I continued contemplating these feelings my friends had expressed to me. Their feelings of hurt (coupled with my own feelings of angst, disappointment and frustration with my current struggle) started to overwhelm me. My mind was racing through the kinds of things that I often do just to be kind to people (ie saying excuse me when brushing past), and how I've gone out of the way to show my love, kindness, or appreciation for special people in my life. Too many times these acts of "niceness" are not reciprocated, overlooked, or sometimes don't even warrant a "Thank You."

I began saying to myself, "I don't see the point of being nice anymore," "I might as well just look out for me...I don't see why not," and "Whether or not I'm nice to others, it don't make none!" ("It don't make none" translates to "it doesn't matter" for the Maelstrom illiterate).

So there I was, on the cusp of giving up on people in general. I was standing on the precipice of forever bitterness. I was finally going to give-up on my lifelong struggle of believing that my kindness towards other people actually matters, and that people do care. I was going to go forth in complete grimeyness, willing to step on other people just to get what I want as others had done to me. Sad...Angry...Tempestuously Frustrated...

...And that's when it happened!

About 25 yards away from the airport, while I was walking in the windy, sub-10 degree weather, I met her.

She slowed down her Jeep, rolled down the window and asked, "you need a ride?" Figuring that a ride anywhere would be preferable to me walking I said "yeah, where you headed?" She replied "oh it doesn't matter, where ever you need to go." So I hopped in, and she took me to my destination.

While in her Jeep, we made small talk. "She" was Tina, a 3rd year undergrad from Chicago. I expressed my extreme gratitude to her for her genuine kindness. I also had to tell her what I had just been thinking before she picked me up. I let her know that I was just considering how people aren't nice anymore and then she showed up. She replied to me that it wasn't a big deal at all. Plus other people had been kind to her in the past, she said, so once she had a chance to be kind to others, she would do that.

Her statements to me indicated that she placed value on the kind of treatment that was shown to her, and that she felt it was no big deal to return such amicable behavior to others. This notion is exactly the way I have always felt. Why is it so hard for people to be kind to others, especially when others have been kind to them? But the reality I witness is the complete opposite of this ideal; so much so that it almost made me lose hope in it completely, seriously.

To my further delight, when I arrived at my apartment that day, there was a note in my mailbox indicating that I had a package at the post office. Extremely excited, 'cause there's never anything in there but bills, I rushed to the post office and picked it up. Upon opening it, I was greeted with lots of goodies, and a short/simple, but very sweet letter (which now hangs on my fridge) from two of my friends, Janice and Yu-Chen (thanx a million guys). Now tell me who can be down on kindness after that???

Thank you Tina, the undergrad from Chicago, for restoring in me a certainly level of faith and hope in the concept of nice people! Thanks Janice and Yu-Chen for your concern during trying times (and who told you guys that I like peanut butter? chocolate covered peanut butter hearts...that's a beast!).

Although the magnitude of what these 3 ladies did was very small in comparison to the hurt I've recently suffered, just the very act of consideration and concern was enough for me not to give up on "being nice."

I still have low expectations of people, and certainly don't expect people to be nice to me at all anymore, but it is nice to know that those rare, nice people (who understand, appreciate, and reciprocate to others...and even express kindness just because), do still exist!

Even if the adage seems to be lost in the self-consumed nature of this capitalistic society, I think it is something that we should all live by and certainly something that I will continue to abide by:

Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You!

-Maelstrom