It All Starts In The Mind

It all starts in the mind

As an avid fan of awareness, and the vicissitudes of this daily existence, I am increasingly amazed at what the average human being can do; both negative and positive. From the horrendous depths of criminal acts to the grand triumphs of those that have made something out of an impoverished life. This wretched, scarred, wrinkled, imperfect flesh can do virtually anything. The question is however, for what cause or purpose will we use this vessel?

In the trenches of my own mind, there exist hurtful notions as well as magnanimous ideals. There are failures that seem inevitable, and victories that seem unattainable. Yet I exist, and the struggle is to strive for the victories that seem impossible, while fighting against failures that seem certain. From there, we must decide what defines “victory” for us. What can we point at and say, “that is what I want to achieve?”

Watching the news is often a depressing and awe-injecting pastime. I watched this week as a little girl in New York City explained to police officers how she came to be alone, wandering the streets of New York in the middle of the night. Hours later it became apparent that her father had murdered her mother, and then took the girl (his own daughter) and left her on the streets in the middle of the night. After hearing the tale, all I could ask was, “who would do such a hideous thing?”

In my short few years walking this planet, I have become aware of a number of my close friends that have been raped and sexually assaulted, molested and manipulated. And I just question “who and why would someone do that?” I question “what made that sinister individual think that they could do that…who gave them the right to steal my friend’s dignity and innocence?”

And ultimately I ask the question, “What was going on in that person’s mind that told them they could commit such a heinous act? Do they have respect for another’s hopes, dreams, endeavors, future…humanity?”

The obvious, quick answer is no. However, the question is still a valid one. Nobody just wakes up and robs a bank. Even a child doesn’t just steal cookies out of the cookie jar. Certainly one doesn’t just rape another haphazardly. The rapist has an agenda, knows that they can accomplish their “mission,” and believe they can get away with it. And without knowing the numbers, I’d imagine that the vast majority of murders are premeditated to some extent too.

Before 9/11/01, we had never imagined that a group of individuals would take planes hostage, and crash the planes into buildings while taking their own lives. It was unthinkable and certainly didn’t follow the typical hostage-taking mold. There were no negotiations, no freed prisoners, no ransoms, and just utter malevolence.

The common link to all of these acts, great and small, is that it had to first be conceived of in the mind. And that alone is a scary thought. To know the treacheries that this physical existence has wrought. To think that someone could be plotting much more devastating calamities. To think that things could get worse.

But there are solutions, and one of them is you…me. Too often, I find, that we don’t take responsibility for the “messes” we make of our lives. It’s always the other guy’s fault, or, (she) made me hit her, or, I get my temper from my mama. Rarely do we look in the mirror and own up to the mistakes we made that helped to land us in the situations that we now find ourselves in.

A powerful statement that I read from Jennifer Aniston in Vanity Fair Magazine, concerning her divorce with Brad Pitt, was that even if the marriage failed 98% due to him, that 2% of the blame rested on her shoulders, and that’s the portion she has to focus on and improve.

As personal responsibility relates to the wickedness we witness on a daily basis, I whole-heartedly believe that if people counted the costs, and understood the gravitas of the actions that they have taken (or are contemplating taking), that we wouldn’t see so much heinousness. Certainly we can’t stop our mind from thinking some of the thoughts it encounters. When someone cuts you off on the highway, yes you want to go flick them off and ride them off the road (at least I know I do). But when you consider that something as minute as flipping someone the bird can (and HAS) lead to murder, then you know to handle the situation with grace and patience.

As a boy I was taught that “you can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair.” In other words, in this context, there are times when we have been wronged and want retribution, but we can often save ourselves a lot of heartache by not allowing that frustration fester.

And yet this mind is amazing. It is truly a beautiful device. Look at what the human mind can accomplish.

Anyone that has watched ESPN over the last two weeks has been reminded of Roger Bannister, the first person to run a mile in under 4 minutes. It was believed to be humanly impossible, but in his mind, it could be done. Now, the feat has even been accomplished by high-schoolers.

It was once thought that the earth was flat, and that if you went over the horizon, you would fall off of it until someday, someone believed in their mind that the Earth was indeed not flat and that you could travel a circumference from one side to the other. To imagine human beings flying was laughable until the Wright Brothers created the airplane. Breaking the sound barrier was a virtual impossibility, until someone came along and said “it can be done.”

Now it is conceivable that one day man will Long Jump over 30 feet. Now it is imaginable that the fastest human being on Earth will one day be a woman. Now it is plausible that there will be a manned mission to Mars. Now it is possible that a cure for AIDS will be discovered. It just takes for someone in their mind to say, “It can be done!”

So how does this apply to the “average” man?

I think the first step that many of us need to take in the morphology of our future is to look in the mirror. Stand before the mirror and say, “this is me.” “I’ve made this mistake, I made that error, I really messed these situations up, but they are what they are. I cannot change the past; I can only look toward the future.”

Then we need to define for ourselves positive goals that we would like to accomplish.

And here’s the big one: It is a hard thing to remove ourselves from comfortable situations, even if that situation is an unhealthy one for us. We are indeed creatures of comfort and habit.

I don’t know if this is an original quote, but I’ll attribute it to New York Times columnist Tom Friedman. He said, “People don’t change when they’re told they need to, people change when they realize they must.”

Unfortunately I know that change is easier said than done. Plus, you have to do more than want to change, or have more than just a reason to adjust your life. It takes a lot of strength and courage. Sadly, we often don’t have the strength to change our position on our own. It often takes extreme measures or occurrences to make us adjust our lifestyles.

Many people are obese and know that they need a more active lifestyle, and that a consistently healthier diet would greatly benefit them. They try and they try to do better, shuffling through diet after diet, but many can’t seem to make that transition until it is clearly apparent to them that their life is truly threatened.

Drug habits, even cigarettes, stand as an obvious roadblock to a smoother daily existence for millions of individuals. But it’s often not until it is crystal clear to that individual that their habit will harm their relationship, cost them jail time, or maybe even cause amputation of a limb, that the person decides to put that drug away.

And do I even need to mention what many people put up with in relationships (often women) even though they know they aren’t happy in it. From physical abuse, to emotional neglect, the victim often can’t let go and is many times being pulled by emotional strings like a puppet, often leaving the decisions about their relationship’s future up to their insensitive Agent of hurt. Then, and only then, do they move on; because they have to.

See, I’m a believer that it doesn’t have to be that way. If you want to see change around you, then you’ve got to envisage it for yourself. If you want the ground to shake where ever you walk, then you’ve got to believe that it’s possible in the first place. If you want to be in shape, you’ve got to tell yourself that you will eat healthier and that you will be more active. If you know your relationship is not what you want it to be, you’ve got to have the moxy to say I deserve better, I can live without this person, I will move on.

And trust me, all these things are realistic and possible…but here’s the key…

It all starts in the mind!

-Maelstrom

PS: This marks my 100th post. Yay me!